The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel - Is she a bad mom?

What is a bad mom? In the latest season of MMM, there are some snippets of the future about Midge's career and relationship with her seemingly estranged adult children, and it makes me sad to see another woman portrayed as a bad/annoying/insufferable mom because she chose to have a BIG career.  Tune into this week's episode to hear why Midge is not a bad mom! 

Connect with the host, Brittany Drake:

• On LinkedIn @copywritingbritt
• Visit Momhomie.com to read the blog for more WFH Mom realities
• Email any inquiries to momhomie@copywritingbritt.com

Thanks for listening, and you're doing great, mama!


Note: Looking for the WFH Survival Guide?... Well, I've been ashamed to admit this, but it's not done yet. However, I am ready to confess because if Netflix can fail hard on their live stream of Love is Blind Reunion (with a whole production team and crew) and ask for forgiveness, so can lil' ol' me.  Thank you for your patience, and it will be done very soon! 

Transcript

Brittany 0:00

hey, out there to all of my adored moms, and welcome to another episode of Mom Homie, a podcast that advocates work from home moms who want to balance their careers with their little ones in the mix. I'm your host, writer, fellow mom and family woman, Brittany Drake. In every two weeks, I share my experience, what I've learned in ideas and hopes of easing and affirming feelings about the work from home mom life. And if you wanna know how I made this podcast episode happen, The answer is barely, but I'm dedicated to delivering you a new episode every two weeks. And if you want a behind the scenes, listen, catch the first uncut mini episode between the full grown episodes next week. I wonder if cave women moms ever felt insecure about motherhood. I ask because the daily events of parenting come down to one question every night for me, and that is, did I mom well today? Momming well for me means I'm comfortable with the amount of food that Savannah ate and what she ate. I don't feel guilty about the amount of screen time she got. We got active for at least one cumulative hour, whether that was dancing, playing in her room, going to the playground, or taking a long walk, and we did something artsy or brainy like a puzzle or painting or drawing or some sort of learning, and that she took a nap, even if it's a short one and she's going to bed no later than 10:00 PM. I can tell you right now, not all of these things happen every day, but if I can do at least 70% of these things on a daily, then I'll rest a little bit easier. So yesterday, for example she, she ate okay. You know how it is with toddlers. They loved one thing one day, they hate it the next. So she ate okay. She hung out with my mom for a little bit and so she didn't spend too terribly a time on, you know, the screens and things like that, watching whatever, you know, educational or music videos she's watching. Right now her thing is Coco Melon and Bibe Finn. So shout out to Pink Fong, I guess for keeping my kiddo busy. And then We did go to the playground last night. I promised her that cuz she had said earlier in the day outside, and she's so cute. Like she's starting to speak in full sentences now. So she's like, outside, I wanna go outside. And I was like, I wanna take you outside, but mommy has to work first. So I, I did what I had to do and then I was like, yeah, let's get outside. So, We did that, and she took a wonderfully long nap, thank goodness she really needed it. So yeah, we, I think we got our 70% in yesterday. She did not go to bed at 10. She went to bed way later. But you know, I, I've told you about before, that's been. A constant struggle, but uh, we did find a rhythm, so hopefully we're gonna get back to that, even with us going on vacation starting later today. But for, for cave women, moms, I imagine their concern was more primal. They obviously didn't have to worry about screens and they were always active because, I mean, Duh. Running away from, you know, the threats and things like that, or just needing to go hunt or gather. Which, you know, I know they say like the cave men did most of the hunting and gathering, but I'm sure those women got down and dirty. Cleaning off the whatever rabbits and things like that they brought back. And you know, that requires a lot of work. And it's just so funny because I think about like how we make food now and how we hunt and gather now. And I how I complain about like, you know, all the work that goes into making a meal for my family. And I'm like, yeah, but I ain't got nothing on the cave woman, so, or I ain't got nothing on women that make tamales either, because I heard they get elbow deep into making that maiz. And I just have to say thank you tamales, are delicious and I appreciate you so much. So yeah, I'm like, maybe I should stop complaining about how much food I have to make and just enjoy the fact that I am not a cave woman mom. So the other thing is like, you know, their immediate threats were natural disaster. Where their shelter was a cave that maybe they hoped didn't flood or something. Sabertooth Tigers you know, I pulled that straight from the movie Ice Age. You have to, excuse me, I'm a little silly this morning because it is like seven something and I'm going on like four hours of sleep cuz I'm trying to cram in a bunch of things before we take our mini vacay. But yeah, hopefully you're enjoying these silly laughs with me. And then the other thing that they had to deal with was poisonous plants which were probably way more prominent. So my gut tells me that they weren't insecure about, you know, their children learning. Maybe they were just generally fearful for their lives. So but either way it's all stressful, I suppose. So, Why am I saying all of this? Like, where is all of this coming from? Right. I have been a huge fan of The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel since day one. It is such a good show. It's Emmy Award-winning for anybody who wants the receipts on that. But if you have not seen it, I recommend that you go back and you watch it. I'm talking about all of this because something that they're doing this season is they're exploring Midge's children as adults. Her kids' names are Ethan and Esther. And on top of the like, overbearing nagging mom stereotype that they've given her. Her kids seem to have an estranged relationship with her as we get glimpses into her success as a big comic, and I'm not quite sure how I feel about it. I'm a little disappointed with seeing successful career moms being portrayed as bad or questionable mothers, while dads who lean into their careers don't typically suffer the same criticism. So I'm like, okay, where are y'all going with this? Because while I love this show, I don't want it to end on Midge is a great comic, but she's a bad mom or she's a bad daughter, or whatever other things, you know, moms are, that are trying to do other things with their lives besides just motherhood. So yeah, we'll see what happens. But the show always surprises me. And we will see how it turns out near the end of the series, which is I think the, the last episode is actually this Friday. So yeah, I'm gonna, I'm just, I'm gonna hang in there, see how it turns out. And then I also have to remember, like, she's a mom in the fifties and on, and so while Midge is an anomaly of her time, maybe the story is just staying true to the climate. Although I'd like to see their final comment with how Ethan and Esther are you know, how she continues her relationship with them in this final episode. So we shall see. So yeah, that, that begs the question for today and you know, the theme around today's episode, which is is Midge a bad mom I would typically never question a mother's parenting so publicly, but since she's a character, I thought. Eh can't really hurt anybody with this one. And so I thought it was safe to explore, and I'll tell you right now, I don't think she's a bad mom. And I'll explain that in just a little bit after we do our affirmation. And so I thought that this was a good one because I didn't intentionally, you know, mean to talk about. Motherhood and careerhood. In this particular episode, it actually marries very well with this whole question about Midge. And I wanna say that just because you are a career mom, entrepreneur, or a working mom, it does not mean that you're a bad mom. Those two things do not go hand in hand. Does everything need balance? Yes. But you have moms that are you know, 100% just momming and they can do things that would be you know, frowned upon and looked at as bad momming. And then you have people who, are career moms who maybe put in a little too much time and energy in their career and not enough with their kids, and people would argue that that's a bad mom as well. But most of the time other people's opinions don't matter, period. It is relative and it's relative to the mother. I don't think it's relative to everyone else looking outside and it's relative to, to the child too. We will be right back to jump into Midge and why I think that she is not a bad mom. Hey, Brittany here. This is not a commercial. It's a moment for you mama to take a break and go pee, grab a snack or take a breath. So go ahead, put me on pause. I'll wait. Okay, so we're back and I'm just gonna jump right into why I think Midge is not a bad mom and, you know, I would say she's even a good mom. ,But I, I just wanted to talk specifically about the whole bad mom part because. I think that there's always this emphasis on the things we didn't do versus the things that we do do, and also the things that people don't see that we do. So I'm just gonna again, jump into why Midge is not a bad mom. So, Midge's blind faith and people does make her naive and optimistic. Her parents are naive too, so I see where she gets it from. And although her naivete has gotten her in trouble, she always seems to land on her feet from her innate ability to make people laugh. Which if you've been watching the show scorn Joel, from the very beginning To her arrest leading to meeting Lenny Bruce which is her, her comic friend slash sort of love interest Midge would have never been able to find her success playing by the rules. Funny enough, I've noticed that when she does break a rule, it's often because she didn't know there was one, or she didn't know what the consequences of breaking that rule was gonna be, which makes the way she carries herself in her fashionable heels, skirts, and jackets, while politely handling men that are after her affection and still somehow being able to cook a brisket for Joel on an occasion like, is just all completely ironic. And I don't mean that in a, in a bad way. I think that it's one of those things where it's like, you know, there's Maybe in that time in art to how women hand handled themselves in, you know, certain social situations or certain challenges. And you know, and also still kind of, you know, held up. The expectation of what they were supposed to be doing whether that was because they wanted to do it, and, you know, it is just, you know, part of being kind. Or if it was, you know, actual, you know, just pressure from the patriarchy to act a certain the show does a really good job of, of questioning all of that and to the point where like it's, it's a bit cerebral. I don't have, you know, a definite answer for you. People could probably argue on both sides of the cloth about this, but yeah, I, I, I think that she's definitely an anomaly. I think that there's some things that are quite ironic about the type of character that she is. And I think Rachel, and hopefully I'm pronouncing her last name right, Brosnahan Is doing a, a wonderful job with bringing this character to life. I, I just like, I can't speak on enough of how good it is. but anyway, you know, her, her, again, her naivete. Also has been, you know, her reason to remain optimistic and to be able to do what she's doing and to keep her head held high while, you know, overcoming the challenges of trying to be a comic. And some of the things that I've been revisiting in terms of examples of her naivete is like her trust in Joel. He, spoiler alert, cheated on her very early in the series. And you know, they had an, a strange relationship because they're still trying to co-parent. And I think that, you know, back then it was normal to have the parents very involved as well. So even while, you know, they're navigating the end of the relationship her in-laws are ex in-laws, I should say, we're still very involved in her, Life and just balancing the kids and things like that. And then on top of that, like Joel never stopped loving her and she never stopped loving him either. And they both continue to look out for each other. So that is example one of her naivete and optimism, you know, meld in one, and then her trust in Susie. Susie, while she's her, you know, Wing woman and her manager and has been getting her gigs and has been, you know, sort of keeping her streamlined and in check and keeping her from quitting and, you know, all types of stuff. Susie was stealing from Midge but by the end they're still. Family when it's all said and done, and, you know, yeah, they do explore a little bit of the stranded relationship because of, you know, Susie stealing and her involvement with the mob. But you know, I, I think that both women come to realize, like, you know, their relationship with each other has always been the glue to both of their successes. And then her trust in Lenny Bruce you know, although they slept together and seemingly ruined their friendship he kept it 100 with her about her career and he told her, you know, don't blow it and to keep working before the window closed. Otherwise it would break his heart. And not that it's about him, but I think that because he had more experience than her, in that life and. Knew that she could be, you know, big. It was one of those things of like, listen, yeah, you know, I'm telling you this because I love you and I, you know, want you to succeed at this. Do not blow it. Don't give up on it. Whatever plans you had, like, just, you know, take 'em with a grain of salt if something comes your way. Like, Do it. And if something is, you know, there as a threat rebuke it, you know, so, so, yeah. So I, I I even though like, you know, Lenny's rough around the edges and stuff, I do like that they always have this understanding with each other and that they were able to navigate the. Challenges together as well. And the successes too, cuz they, you know, they had some success in their respective careers with each other. So, yeah. So she's, you know, again, like a, an anomaly because she's essentially playing a part in the patriarchy while playing the patriarchy in her pursuit to be a comic. And I don't think that her fight against patriarchy is necessarily Intentional. I just think that it is, which is pretty cool because you know, sometimes when you're fighting against something, it can feel like you're putting all your energy, you know, towards fighting it. But I think that her energy is going towards her career Yeah, she, you know, has her down moments. Like all of us other moms were all like, why do I even do this? I know. I definitely have my moments like that in my career hood and, you know, just trying to balance motherhood and, and get the things I want out of life. And so, you know, that's a very real, very relatable feeling. And while she is, Fighting for that. I think that, again, she's unintentionally fighting against the patriarchy, and so her energy is seen as, you know, being put towards the possibilities for herself and not so much the, the fight against, you know, the things that are holding her down. again, like it's almost like Her naivete allows her to continue to be optimistic despite all the challenges. And, you know, all in all, I think that she's doing something rare and trailblazing specifically at that time that could benefit her kids in a greater way than they realize. And while the show doesn't spend a lot of time showing Midge doing mom things she seems to always have her ear to the ground on what's happening with her kids even as she enlists the help of her parents and Joel's parents as well. I don't think that any of that makes her a bad mom. I think that makes her like any other mom who is, you know, learning as they go. And also not just learning about parenting in their kids as they go, but learning just how to balance the entire family dynamic and still have a career. My second argument is that like, she's not perfect, but that's a relief because at least she handles her family's problems, right? In the last episode, Midge's son gets his toy boat stuck in the drain of the tub and it backs up her tub, and then it ends up backing up two of her neighbor's tubs as well as you know, causing other damage. Her mom's supposed to have this like big party at her house. And it ends up ruining the carpeting, which her mom said needs to be replaced before this party that she's supposed to have. Which the party is like a work party for her cuz she's a matchmaker. And then her mom tells her to go talk to the other two neighbors because one of them is a newly minted lawyer and she wants to make sure that they don't get sued. So while they don't show all of those interactions and things like that, you know, it's assumed that Midge went and took care of it. They you know, whoever got the toy out the tub and things are drying, they got the fans going, all of that. And so she seemingly handles the problem and by the time the end of the episode comes like she's not in a good place, unfortunately. She worked her butt off to, you know, get this gig and to get some visibility and while she was up against Men, because she was the only woman to perform her standup that night. She was the best one by far. And they still said no, but then they wanted another talent that Susie had. And so Midge sort of swallowed her pride and was like, you know, don't ruin this for the other talent. Like, go ahead and, and do what she gotta do. And when she got home, she was visibly upset, but her mom started going in about. Oh, I'm gonna have to move my party because the house is ruined and blah, blah, blah. And, you know, just the, just the pressure of like trying to balance it all, right? So she, so Midge locked herself in the bathroom and had a little bit of fit and like started crying. Understandably so. And you know, even when us moms like try to handle our problems and try to handle things, Like I said at the top of this episode, like things don't always go the way that you want them to go. And a lot of times all people can see is what you didn't do versus what you did do. Which, you know, I, I guess being a viewer of the show, I was saying like, we don't actually see her go and talk to, know, this lawyer person or her neighbors. That's because like, that's the truth, right? That's the truth to motherhood is like, not everyone sees everything. We, we don't share everything. But we're constantly doing whether people realize it or not, and, you know, does she create messes? Absolutely, yes, she does. But she generally owns up to her stuff because she knows that she's not perfect, but she's trying to still make things happen. So again, that does not make her a bad mom. That makes her totally human and I can completely relate to, to all of that. I've definitely dropped the ball on accident because I've had too many things up in the air and it's bound to happen, right? So does that make any of us bad moms? No. No. And to be honest, we're doing better than most, so suck it. Right. And my third and final argument is, and you know I've talked about this before, but knowing some things about the future with, you know, Midge and Joel and their kids, Ethan and Esther. I would like it if we just stopped making moms solely responsible for quote unquote screwing up their kids or responsible at all in some cases, because moms seem to always get blamed for not knowing what they don't know and how it affects their kids. And then also being blamed for what we do know and trying to correct it or fix it, which I'll talk more about in tomorrow's blog because I am exploring toxic mother-daughter relationships with movies, The Bad Seed and Carrie. So look out for that. But it seems like, you know, no matter what path we take In terms of, you know, trying to again, like course correct or let things go naturally or whatever, like there's always gonna be some person that's gonna have something to say about it and, you know, whatever, screw them. So childhood and motherhood, you know, can't be perfect. Unless you're robots and you know, even artificial intelligence gets it wrong sometimes. If we think that moms are so influential in all of this, then how do we explain a mother who has done everything right but her child's still a terrible person Or the opposite, you know, where a mom has done like legitimate abusive or like neglectful but their kids end up being completely, you know opposite and wonderful people in this world. And they've taken, you know, what happened and they've been better because of it, you know, like we want to. Talk about influential moms are when it's convenient to the conversation. But you know, there's other factors too. There's the father or other parents. There's grandparents, there's siblings, there's the environment. There's, you know places that they go to on a regular basis. Like, there's all these things that play into it, right? And so, you know, I'm, I'm not negating the fact that, you know, parents can, and sometimes do things that mess with their kids' heads. But there are too many factors to consider otherwise that I hate to see good moms berated for trying to do the right thing. So collectively, we have to give moms grace for trying because motherhood doesn't come with manual. And even the parenting books have the disclaimer to do what works for your family. Including this podcast and the everything that's coming out of this podcast. You know, I'm like, I could tell you and give you all of the advice all day long, but at the end of the day, the relationship between you and your child is unique to you and your child and, you know, an intimate one. And some things that I say are just not going to apply. It's kind of like Thanksgiving dinner. Maybe you love Turkey, but you hate cranberry sauce, you know? So but you know, what I'm learning as an adult is that, you know, moms are giving their best. And that's great news for me, right. Because like when I think about my own mom, like she raised me to be myself and she raised me to want better for myself, and now it's up to me to go get better, you know, so like, It's not um, my mom's responsibility at this point for me to strive for better. Is she still very much involved in my life? Is she still teaching me? Yes. And am I still taking her advice sometimes? And the thing about it though is that like I am my own person and you know, whether she is here now or not to still guide me, it is still my responsibility now as an adult to want and do better for myself. You may disagree with me. I would love to hear your take as well. So feel free to DM me on LinkedIn, and obviously I always leave my connections in the show notes for you so that you can find me. But you know, are there things that could have been better in retrospect? There's always, you know, things that could be better in retrospect, but that is a part of like the human condition and experience. And, you know, being a aware, aware, like there's always things that. Could be better. But we can't go back to the past. We can only take what's happening in the present. And, you know, look at what happened in the past and learn from that and hope that we apply what we learned to the future. That doesn't make us bad people, that doesn't make us. Bad parents, and that does not make us bad moms. So there you have it. Midge Maisel is not a bad mom, and I really hope that the show concludes on this somehow. Moms, do you have something to say or add about the work from home mom life? I'm looking for a diverse array of guests who want to share their experience, knowledge, and support to offer solutions that make work from home mom life easier. If this sounds like something you want to be a part of, contact me using the info in the show notes. Thanks. Now back to the show. Okay, so I've already talked quite a bit about, you know, what I think about Midge Maisel and I think that she's one of the most interesting characters on TV that I've seen in a while. I am so excited to see her on the show every time I turn it on because she's just so interesting. And truthfully, all of the characters are, are interesting in their own rights. But something about the, the meld between, you know, the writers who are writing her and the wonderful actress Rachel Brosnahan. Like, just the way that those talents come together to bring this character to life is just like, to me, top tier. I'm like, chef's kiss. And if you don't watch the show, I highly recommend that you do. Again, I'm gonna go back and watch it with my husband when he's ready to watch it because it's just that good. I think it's one of those things that I'll always return to. the other thing is that I feel like moms are given too much of responsibility to make sure that their kids aren't scarred. But I do feel like the tides are shifting on this a little bit and you know how responsible we hold mothers for making sure. Kids grow up to be, you know, good people. But there's still a lot of work about how we view those relationships and how we give our input into those relationships. And, I just hope that we continue to stay aware of the pressures that we put on moms to you know, make sure that their kids are successful. And also the pressure that we put on ourselves when we, you know, think about our kids' success and failures and what part we played in that. I honestly, I wanna be like a Dutch mom and not take any of Savannah's success and failures as reflection on me because again, she's her own person. And there's only so much, you know, that I can do as a mom or a parent, but, My goal is to help Savannah see and want more out of life and, and not in an unethical and like, you know, dirty way, but in a sustainable way where she feels good every morning, she wakes up and she feels good about whatever she's trying to pursue in her life. Also Ethan and Esther This they seem to be like smart and decent people when we see them as adults. So if we are going to blame Midge for anything, it can be that. thank you so much for, you know, listening to today's episode. Catch tomorrow's blog at momhomie.com. Again, I'm gonna be exploring the toxic mother daughter relationship portrayed on the original, The Bad Seed, and Carrie from 1976. And go ahead and catch the mini episode of How this episode was made, and let me know what you think about those many episodes are, are you happy to hear them and sort of get like a nitty gritty feel of what the background looks like in all of this? Or, you know, can you go without it? Because depending on what the answer is, I will save myself the work. So anyway, thanks again. Have a wonderful day, and keep Mommying as awesome as you are.