The Great Pause (Part 2)

Welcome to part 2 of The Great Pause and the last episode of Mom Homie until September. I share some of what I'll be researching, experimenting, and doing this Summer to bring more value to Mom Homie. Also, check out the new introduction that feels clearer and better about the mission and vision of Mom Homie! 

Connect with the host, Brittany Drake:

• On LinkedIn @copywritingbritt
• Visit Momhomie.com to read the blog for more WFH Mom realities
• Email any inquiries to momhomie@copywritingbritt.com

Thanks for listening, and you're doing great, mama!


Note: Looking for the WFH Survival Guide?... Well, I've been ashamed to admit this, but it's not done yet. However, I am ready to confess because if Netflix can fail hard on their live stream of Love is Blind Reunion (with a whole production team and crew) and ask for forgiveness, so can lil' ol' me.  Thank you for your patience, and it will be done very soon! 

Transcript

Brittany 0:00

Welcome to Mom Homie, a podcast for work from home moms with creative careers. Whether you're a writer, editor, videographer, photographer, artisan, illustrator, chef, or another type of artist, I believe that balance between motherhood and career hood can be enjoyable and celebratory. I'm your host, writer, fellow mom and family woman, Brittany Drake, and I look forward to sharing more value and excitement through my own growth and experimentation as a creative career mom in hopes of easing and affirming your feelings about reaching goals, balancing life, maintaining systems, and loving who you are on this journey, despite what everyone else says you should be doing. The vision for mom homie is that you feel confident, impactful, and content with now while still feeling optimistic about the future, knowing that your talent is so much needed in this world. I see Mom Homie helping creative career moms who may be solopreneurs and need to create a schedule that works for them first before anyone else. Just like a person's diet and everything that aids in their fitness goals, work culture as a creative is not something that just works because it works or has worked for someone else. There's more beyond telling someone to go to sleep at a certain time, work at a certain time, work certain amount of hours and more. There's analyzing what has worked best for you and what hasn't. Predicting ways to reach that sweet spot and implementation. Mom homie, will help you see what you value in motherhood and career hood from the principle of both and how they work for you so you can feel empowered in knowing where you're going and the decisions you make to get there. Shifting is easier when you know what works for you and not everyone else. It's okay to build your own systems and operate in a way that is most efficient and rewarding to you. So whether that means you wanna work in the middle of the night, top of the morning or in the middle of the afternoon, there is a way to hone that in and for you to be able to lean in into what works for you. I started thinking this way for a few reasons. I work with an agency and we have a couple of clients whose businesses are based on principle, and when I got to know their brand and how they work a little bit more and just their thinking, it made me realize I do not like being told how to do something without looking deeply into why and how it would ideally work for me based on my circumstances. I was also tired of feeling like I wasn't engaging with my daughter enough. She threw two of the worst tantrums I've ever witnessed from her within a day of each other where she was just spiraling. I know one day she was hungry because we had been running errands, and despite eating snacks, it didn't help. Then the following day, she wouldn't take a nap until she was overtired. Initially I blamed myself for not getting her outside, and yeah, it was, it was a mess. I didn't feel too great that day or the day after, but I figured out that was irrational because we didn't have that problem in the winter months when we would be in the house for days. But still because of my insecurity, I feel like it's worth addressing this summer and seeing how it fits into the balance. So that's one of the reasons why I'm taking this pause this summer, and so I can actually look at what's important to me and figure out a balance that actually works for me first, then for me and my daughter, Because I'm actually coming to the conclusion that maybe she does need to be in some sort of daycare, or maybe she needs to be more involved in recreational activities in the neighborhood. Or maybe I just need to get her more involved with the kids that we do know. And all of this is great. I, I, I don't necessarily think that there's one answer. I think that there's several here and it's nice to know that there's options, but I can't explore that unless I take this pause. Also, my attention has been very split. I don't feel like I can focus for long and I get overwhelmed quickly, and shiver at the word "should". I was talking to my mom the other day, and we know how it is with our moms. They just wanna give us advice and tell us you know, things based on their experience and you know, it, it's always worded as like, "I would have done it this way, or you should try it this way." And then one of the conversations I had with my mom more recently, there was a lot of should, should, should, and it just like, made me feel worse because I'm like, am I, is what I'm doing? Like, not good now, you know? And I know that's not what she was getting at. And you know, I, again, a lot of it is my own insecurity, but I think that for me, I, I'm like, yes, give me some advice, but also I like to try things on my own and figure things out on my own. And And again, understand that what may have worked for one other person may not necessarily work for me. And I think that a lot of the times with motherhood there's this pressure of following this other mold that worked for somebody else or following in foot footsteps. And it, it just simply doesn't work that way all the time, especially now. I think that the curtain's kind of been lifted on the things that, that moms do and the support that they need. And sometimes that support is not something that can be external, but it's internal. I know that a lot of my battle is just me in my own head and in what I think of myself in these positions both motherhood and in my career. And I think that for my other creative moms out there and, and you know, maybe just moms in general, like I our biggest critics sometimes are ourselves. And then when someone else says anything to us, we kind of take that as truth, right? Or as fact. But that is not the case. I'm, I'm figuring that out. It's not the case. It doesn't have to be the case. I've talked to my other mom friends and they all experiencing similar things, but we've all kind of come to the conclusion that, you know,. What, what may work for one person doesn't necessarily work for me. And you know, they say that in those parenting guides and books and things like that after they give you a bunch of like tools and resources to work with. I think that just always keeping in mind, like the intention is good from anyone who's trying to offer advice for the most part, obviously, you know, you need to, to trust people. I wouldn't just take anyone's blind advice. But yeah, I, I, I think that, you know, the intention is generally good. But a lot of it is, you know, figuring out what works for you. Right. So yeah, I, I'm kind of tired of going against my natural instincts and, and what I feel like is the right thing to do. So yeah, I'm just having a moment of insights and some soul searching and, you know, again, this pause to, to figure that out. And not just for myself, but again to come back to mom, homie and say, Hey, this is what I learned. If you're open to it, here are the things that I looked at from a high level and kind of got granular with. So, we'll see where that leads. And again, you know, I'll put that same disclaimer out that like, not everything that I do is gonna work for you, but I think that if I'm able to admit and say, Hey, like. Let's not necessarily get into how to do it, but get into like why you're doing it and what you wanna do with this new information. Or better yet, like what's the outcome you're looking for? Then it can, help you discern like, what's good for you, you know, so that you're not wasting your time trying to figure out a bunch of stuff. You're figuring out the thing you need to figure out in that moment, but you're also not overwhelmed by the possibilities, cuz that happens too. So so yeah, that is my, my vision for mom homie. That's what I want for my other creative career moms and anyone else who, you know, may find value out this, but I'm specifically focusing on creative career moms only because. I think that as a creator we have our highs and lows, right? We have our times where, you know, we have our our muse and our motivation and we have our times where're, like I just don't have it in me. But it's to me, less about feeling inspired and more about continuing on even in those tough moments and even if it's just for a little bit. But I still think that there's a way to find and lean into like what works for you. And again, that may be okay. You know, I am my most thoughtful and Innovative or creative, whatever, you know, word you wanna put on it. When it's dark outside and it's quiet and my kids are asleep, you know, or it may be I'm my most energetic in the morning, and so I'm going to do certain things here at this time because this is where I'm energetic. And then and again, like, and it's not just about. The career part of it and the creativity part, but it's about feeling good about balancing both cuz it is possible. It's just that I think we have to stop feeling like we have to balance everything, you know? So yeah, I would like to dig into that more and come back and say, Hey, here's what I learned. And be able to offer that up as well. I want to, just emphasize like, this isn't about what you should do, this is about what works for you. The other thing about the word should is that, you know, it can make you feel inadequate or it can make you feel like you didn't get the message, but maybe everybody else did. Or that you're like ignorantly defying something or making a bad choice, or whatever the case may be. But again, like I want to find a way to get rid of that word should and what could work for you. So yeah, let's, let's dive into that a little bit more. I'm gonna share what I'll be doing this summer to like, find out those answers in a moment here. But I do wanna do our affirmation first, which is order and balance is possible in motherhood and creative career hood. So again, order and balance is possible in motherhood and creative career hood. Hey, Brittany here. This is not a commercial. It's a moment for you mama to take a break and go pee, grab a snack or take a breath. So go ahead, put me on pause. I'll wait. One of the biggest issues that I see from moms and creatives is that your time and attention, as precious as it is, is super split up, right? So the first thing I want to do is experiment with my situation and address the reality of my desires. So originally I thought it would be easier as a creative to work a couple of like 12 hour days a week, consolidating that workflow. And you know, I was like, cool, like I'll call it the 12 hour workday. But then I realized like, That's going back into like trying to mold someone into fitting something that may not necessarily fit them. Right. So I was just like, yeah, you know, while that may work for me, that may not work for the next mom. And I don't think that that was something that was like, viable enough. Right? Like I, I, I don't want to be like Know, do this, it'll solve all your problems. Like rarely does the thing exist, right? That, that, that does all of that. So you know, to me it's the same idea of like having an iPhone, but being able to customize it in a way that's like specific to you. Right? You know, there's a few things that are, that are standard within it, but it's way deeper than, than when you first get it and unbox it, right? You can pick your language, you can pick the size of the font, you can put on the accessibility settings if you want to. You get to choose what apps you want on there. You get to choose if you want your notifications on those sorts of things, right? Our iPhones are so like, tailored to our needs even though it's You know, again, all the same when you first get it, right. So that's what I'm hoping to, to be able to do with this, you know, idea of mom homie and, and what it could be. And, but the thing is like I have to experiment and try on myself first, right? So I would quickly was like, Nope, no 12 hour workday. Like, that's not gonna work. It, it, it's not about what works for me. It's about figuring out what works for you. Right? And so I, I sort of wanna deliver this like iPhone esque vibe where it's like, okay, I've got this thing. But now I get to tailor it to how it works for me. The idea kind of came to me from the concept of like a Sabbath where all of the like technology's off and you get to focus on just family and being with your family. And so I had this idea of like, okay. How do you get in the creative process? For some people it's like listening to music. For others, you know, maybe they need to stretch and exercise before they get into it, or they need to read or go for a walk or hike or whatever it is. But finding that, that those activities and those things that limit distractions but also motivate you, right. So I was just thinking about the Sabbath and being like, oh, like. It would be nice to know that if I combine these things together, that I'm gonna have this sort of spark or energy or I'm gonna be in this sort of mode or whatever it is. So, I'm gonna like experiment with that a little bit more. For me, sometimes it literally is like I need to cut some things off and, you know, put my phone and do not disturb or just leave it in another room. But other times I'm like, you know, I do better if I go sit out in the sun or if I go for a walk or whatever it is. So Sort of, you know, experimenting with that a bit like what gets me like revved up. Right. But not like that., "Yeah, bro. Come on," you know type of energy, like, not that necessarily, but the just like revved up in terms of like, feeling my most at peace as I'm coming off my ideas and feeling confident about what I'm doing, right? So again, experimenting with that, coming back and being like, okay. Here's what you could do to figure out what works for you in that regard. And, you know, maybe it's your cup of coffee in the morning, who knows? So so yeah, look into that a little bit more and then also just consider how you wanna spend your time between the different sort of works that go into having your career, right? So how much time do you wanna spend on client work, administrative work? Visibility, so it'd be like your marketing and things like that, your personal developments. And home things, obviously, because we're still working from home, we still got our babies to take care of. And so, you know, it like. How much time do you need to cook? How much time do you need for chores? How much time do you need for engaging with your child or any extracurricular activities? And rest, we obviously have to put that in there as well. So yeah, it's again, that balance is possible. I know it is. But it's just a matter of being able to say, okay, how do I do these things for myself? Get these things for myself. And then also understanding like if things shift, not freaking out and being like, oh my God, I had this perfect, you know, like, schedule going on this perfect sort of, you know procedures going on or steps or whatever it is. And not being so worried about like, these aren't holding up and more like, okay. Things are changing. So how do I like reinvent these, you know? And not necessarily doing a complete like, overhaul of that, but being able to say, okay you know, Savannah used to take naps. At two o'clock every afternoon. Now she's a little older and she's not taking naps anymore. So like, what does that mean? Right? Like, do you need to find an extracurricular to go there? Or do you need to have you know, figure out quiet time or additional care or whatever it is. So yeah, it, it's, it's definitely one of those things again, that's gonna be highly tailorable and customizable for you. And less about how to do something. If you look at Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs which I know right now, like there's that meme going out where it's like showing you his hierarchy of needs, but like each thing is like, Either the same exact thing or something silly where like you name your favorite TV shows or your books or like your favorite like resting activities or fun or whatever it is. But on this actual hierarchy of needs, which I put in my not yet released work from Home Survival Guide It is very much about human desire, and I think it offers this like high level insight into why we achieve things based on principle more than we do on just knowing how. And so I wanted to lean into that as well because I do think that that's going to help you all figure out like what What is most important on here for me? Where am I at right now? Okay. Like, I've got my, my best, my basic needs covered, you know now I'm getting into, you know, the other parts of the hierarchy. And if you google Maslow's hierarchy of needs, so Maslow's spelled m a s l o w, it'll come up for you right away. It's one of the first things that comes up in your search if you just even type his name and you'll see what I'm talking about on this pyramid. But, I think that he's onto something and this sort of idea I have for mom homie is going to help with that. And speaking of the work from home Survival guide, look. I initially had a lot of shame and upset about not getting this thing out. I've been talking about getting it out since the end of last year. But as I started like doing more of the work and thinking about, I said, you know what? Like, something about this doesn't feel complete yet. It feels very on the surface, but it also feels like it's falling into the you should do this, versus like, you could do this, you know? So I wanna take a step back from it for a moment and I did have the whole thing written and I was like, you know, excited. I was like, oh yeah, like, I've never really done anything like this before, and technically it's a book, so it'll be like my first book, blah, blah, blah. But it's not about me, right? I had to let go of my ego with that one and just say, you know what this is not going to serve my fellow mamas the way I wanted to. So why put this out? Right? So I'm gonna work on that some more as well. And the good thing is that like I, I know what's involved in it now, and instead of. Making a promise about when it's going to come out. I'm just going to work on it until it's done and then I'll start promoting it. So I'm not gonna tell you to be on a lookout for it right now, but I will let you know. I'll give you an update on it when it is done and when it will be available. Another thing that I'm proud of is that I'll be working on some personal development. The reason why I'm gonna talk about this a little bit more is because I think that as moms in our careers, we get so caught up on everybody else's development, everybody else's achievements, that we are constantly putting our stuff on the back burner and, and then feeling bad about that and then being like, you know, why doesn't anyone care about my needs, my desires, and, and wanting to have my own personal development. And I don't think that it's, that people don't care. I think that it's, they may not know what you're doing, what your personal development involves, and what sort of time and space you need to get that done, right. So that comes in the communication of it all. But I also think that with personal development, There's different types, right? So there's personal development and just being knowledgeable about something. There's personal development and just freeing your mind and being able to, to have hobbies and things like that that don't necessarily lead to specific outcome, but it allows you to get into this zone of just like trying right, and, and knowing that like, it doesn't matter if it doesn't turn out well, you're just having fun. And then there's personal development with exercising and health and mental health and, and you know, making sure that you feel good about yourself in that regard. And so I want to work on that for myself because as I'm looking at my copywriting business, I am realizing that there's a lot of room for improvement and not just on the actual skill, but on it as a business. So I was like, I wanna do some personal development with just understanding finances better because while I'm not terrible with money, I definitely started my business without really understanding like the cash flow and what that means and and be beyond just paying taxes, right? So I was like, okay, I need to figure out like, what am I doing? Why did I make this, this price, you know, for this offer? Or why did I accept this dollar amount or whatever it is? And really get into the, the weeds of like, how is my financial understanding gonna actually help support me and my household and my business, right? So I'm gonna do some personal development. I actually started that already. I'm reading this book called, Personal financial planning by Gitman, and I think it's pronounced. Junk or junk, maybe it's spelled j o e h n k is the last name. But I am reading that cuz my mom actually had that from when she was in grad school and she was like, this will help you. So, It's funny cuz she was like, you don't have to read it, cover to cover. Cause it's a, a textbook. I think I mentioned this in my last podcast as well. But me and my friend were joking about this. We're both completionist, so we were saying like, no, we have to read it, cover to cover. But as I'm getting deeper into it, I'm like, okay Britt, like you really don't have to read it, cover to cover. So I am getting to the important parts and figuring out what steps I need to take and It's opening my mind, not just because I am excited to see what the possibilities are but it's opening my mind in terms of just feeling comfortable with money and feeling comfortable, you know, with what's possible from money and not being. Weird about wanting to ask for more or feeling like I'm not deserving of more. Right. So so yeah, I, I, I wanted to do some develop with that and, you know, again, with my other Creative moms and things like that. I think that, you know, we love the creative part. We get super into it, but then sometimes we have a resentment about not making enough off of our creativity. Right. And that could be just because like, we're going in blindly and we're not looking at like, what do we actually need? Because I think if we, if our dollar amount, you know, Matched our needs, we would feel less resentful about the work that we're doing, right? Or feeling like we need to do more or whatever the case may be. So wanna do some personal development with that and just figure out, you know, what does that mean? And what would that mean for the other moms? Right? The other thing is that between the events of 2020 and having a baby in 2021, I feel like I went from having great social skills and being comfortable talking with pretty much anyone to being really self-conscious about it. And always having this, you know, idea in the back of my head of like, am I talking too much about myself? Am I asking enough about them? And, you know, am I listening actively? And, and not just nodding my head and waiting to talk, but actually taking in what they're saying. And I think. before it was supernatural for me. I just, I didn't really have that issue. But now my confidence is kind of shot and so I was having a hard time feeling I. Like I was worthy of connecting with other moms. And so I'd go to playgrounds and I, I wouldn't talk to any other parents. I would just let Savannah do her thing and she's crazy social. So it was a little strange for me cuz I'm like, oh wow. Like she's really enjoying, like, playing with this kid and stuff, but I'm not even talking to the other parent who's standing right beside me. Like, it's just kinda weird. Right. So, you know, and, and like these conversations and these people we meet, like they don't have to be. People that we talk to forever or know forever, but in the moment I'm like, you know what? Like I should just talk to them. They're another person. They may be feeling exactly how I'm feeling and I was like, I gotta get outta my head about this. And the only way to get good at this and feel good about it again, and my friend even mentioned this too, is to just talk to more people and to keep practicing, right? So that's gonna be a huge part of my personal development. I wanna get back into feeling comfortable with conversations and I think that with again, what I wanna do with mom homie and just talking to other moms. I don't necessarily wanna be like, Hey, I'm working on mom homie. Like, don't you wanna, like, I don't wanna, you know, approach it that way, but I do want to talk to other moms and find out, you know, would they be the, the person that could benefit from this, like what would help them and, and go from there. And also just make some really cool connections and mom friends, because while I have friends, not all of my friends have children and not all of the, my friends that do have children are around the age that Savannah is. But in those playground settings and things like that, it's easier for me to say like, "oh, Savannah's getting along with that kid. Let me go talk to their parent and see like, do I get along with their parents? Right. Cause if we do, like, let's keep this going and you know, there's, there's no shame in that. And I just, again, like needed to get outta my own head about it. And when you are, you know, working from home and not really having to deal with outside world and you're a solopreneur and a creative, you can get very insular. So knowing that about myself and about other creative moms, I'm like, you know what? Let's you know, have something where, If I do need to get out there, and when I say if I, I'm talking as if I was another creative mom. If I do need to get out there and have conversations and get to know people, like I feel good about it. Right. And. We're all deserving of that. We're all deserving of feeling comfortable and getting to know other people, we're social beings. So yeah, I, I just wanted to make sure that like, you know, I'm offering that up too, you know, and mom homie, where it's like, you know, making real connections with people and not for the sake of selling them something, but just for the sake of... people for of humans. I I think that a lot of the state of the world and everything has to deal with just our, our lack of respect for each other. And like, I, I don't think that it's necessarily intentional. I think it comes from a place of fear cuz things are just so crazy. But I also think that because of, you know, bad things that are happening, like we're just trying to protect ourselves from feeling down all the time. And so it's like, well, maybe if I don't make that connection, I won't feel bad about it. But you know, in general I hear people saying, "oh, I hate people" and stuff like that. And it's like, Yeah. Okay. Like, we get it. But in the same vein, like do you actually hate people or do you just like find yourself having issues communicating with people or finding people that you relate to and whether that's a group of three people or a group of 30 people, I think that you know, everyone has their their sort of, you know, family out there. So yeah, I, I just wanted to. Lean into that as well, because it's very possible that Savannah's best friend is like around the corner, you know? But I won't know unless I'm having conversations. So, so yeah, I, I wanna work on that as part of my personal development and you know, also just offer some food for thought for any other moms who have had that same struggle. So I will say that some of the, the things that concern me in my conversations and what makes me super self-conscious is that As I mentioned, like I would get into my head about whether I'm listening or asking them questions about themselves. I would worry if I'm saying anything interesting or bring anything to the conversation. And, and the climate feels so fragile sometimes. Like I feel awkward talking about the obvious like political circus and elephants in this country. So it's like I almost try to avoid talking about that. But sometimes, you know, parents go there and I'm like, okay, I guess we're having this conversation. And like, it's never anything like super extreme, but you just like, I just feel like I would tiptoe around it quite a bit. It is just a lot. So I look forward to putting myself in more in-person spaces and socializing with other parents, caregivers, and mothers. So overall with mom, homie I don't wanna treat my business as being this like separate life from my personal needs, but rather see how they all work together for me so that way I can again, go back to other moms and they can see how it works altogether for them. And so I think that comes with some observation and some analyzing, and the only way that I can figure that out is taking some time off. So this will be the last episode until september. So hopefully you don't miss me too much but if you have been listening up until this point, thank you so much. I appreciate your support. I hope that you are getting something out of listening to mom homie, and I hope that you'll get even more when I come back. I just, you know, wanna get a little granular in what I'm learning and be able to reach some goals and desires and be able to offer how you could do the same thing for yourself. Cuz you're the hero here, right? You show up for yourself every day and for your family every day. And it's not easy. I definitely have my moments where I'm like, do I have to get out the bed today? But you know, and just thinking about that constant go and that drive, I just want to make sure that you feel good about what you're doing and that you feel good about what you have to offer and that you feel good about how you balance that. As I mentioned at the top of the episode. I haven't taken a break from mom homie since it started over a year ago, but I think that this pause will be so beneficial for many reasons, and I can't wait to share that with you again in September when I come back. Thank you so much again for listening. I hope that you feel supported and encouraged to keep being the wonderful mother that you are while sustaining a balance between motherhood and career hood. Enjoy your summer to the fullest and mom homie will be back.